snow and sundays
I'm still here. We are getting through the days, but this grieving stuff is HARD.
We had a big ice/snowstorm here this weekend. Just when I was getting used to Spring. Lovely Kansas weather! Seeing those big, beautiful snowflakes falling and kids playing in the snow made me miss Cora even more. Cora never really experienced snow. She even had a new sled that Joel's parents had given to her for Christmas. She never got to use it. It was another "first" to go through without Cora.
Sundays are hard too (I think I am still recovering). Joel is a farmer and works a lot. Sunday was our family day--the one day that we always got to be together. Joel loved spending Sundays with Cora. Going to church without her now is hard. It is hard to go to church and see all the families. It is hard to see all the little girls in their pretty dresses. It is hard to see kids coming out of the nursery. At the same time it is so good to be a church. It is good to be around people who love us and who are praying for us. It is good to sing--the worship songs have entirely new meanings to us now. It is good to be in the Word and learn from the sermons.
Each week continues to have ups and downs. I don't think that is bad. We need time to be sad and cry. We need time to laugh and feel a glimpse of "normal" again. It is just hard and tiring. You never know what your emotions are going to do next.
This emotional unsteadiness keeps reminding me that I have to cling to my ROCK. I am so thankful that no matter what an emotional mess I feel inside that I have a firm foundation in Christ. He fully understands my grief and emotions and is walking this road right beside me. Even when I don't feel secure, I know that with Jesus I can stand secure. I can keep moving forward. Even through this storm. This is what I continue to put my HOPE in.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.